There are many types of abusive relationship, including:

• emotional, including gaslighting and Narcissistic abuse
• physical, including domestic violence, physical threats, false imprisonment
• verbal, name-calling, shouting, swearing, putting you down
• sexual, coercion and forced sexual activities
• financial, controlling your finances, fraud and stolen or misused money
• stalking, in person or digitally

There are many other examples and it can be hard to recognise the signs of abuse. If conflict is continuous, you feel like you are walking on eggshells all the time, are second guessing yourself or are being coerced of controlled, feeling like you don’t have full control over your own life, then the chances are that you are or have been in an abusive relationship.

A range of intense emotions may occur when you leave an abusive relationship, and these may confusing, but they are perfectly valid. People often cite:

• Missing their ex
• Feeling lonely or isolated
• Feeling of anxiety or depression
• Symptoms of PTSD following trauma
• Feeling unable to make decisions autonomously
• Low self-esteem
• Confusion about what is real and what isn’t

There is no set time for healing from an abusive relationship. For some, the process may take months and for others years, with issues popping up into the future long after the relationship has ended. But there are steps you can take to aid your recovery:

• Create a safety plan. Speak to the police or a domestic violence charity and create a plan that prioritises your physical and emotional safety. Your plan can include what to do if you see or hear from your ex.
• Set boundaries. Block your ex on digital channels and maintain your distance so that you can heal.
• Educate yourself. Find out about gaslighting, emotional abuse, domestic abuse and other issues that may have occurred during your relationships. Look back and identify the red flags so that you can understand what happened to you and protect yourself in future relationships.
• Prioritise self-care. Keep a journal, pamper yourself, set daily goals and do things that make you happy. Focus on your own emotional wellbeing.
• Create a positive support network. This might mean disconnecting with people who judge you or are connected to your ex, and reconnecting with friends and family who can offer the genuine support and care you need.
• Ask for help. Contact domestic violence helplines, seek therapy and look for support in your local community. If you are feeling depressed or anxious, also seek help from your GP.