Unsurprisingly, I just got hurt. Why unsurprisingly? Because there were red flags. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but we learn by experience, so here goes. 5 red flags you should definitely be aware of:
- Love bombing. This is where declarations of love come quick and fast. It might involve showering you with gifts or compliments, but if it is overwhelming or seems to be much at the start of a relationship, you should be concerned. Either they are insincere and getting carried away, which means you’re in for a big fall when they walk away, or they are seeking to reel you in with a view to controlling you later on in the relationship.
- Moving too fast. Similar to the last point, telling you they love you within a matter of weeks suggests that they are paying games, are emotionally immature or are very insecure which could lead to becoming controlling later on.
- Criticising your appearance or lifestyle early on. If they are critical or how you dress, behave or appear early on in a relationship then ask yourself if they are right for you. This could be a sign of them trying to control you and modify your behaviour.
- Telling you they’ve never been in love or had their heart broken. Unless you are very young, maybe in your early twenties, or they have never had a real relationship before, you should be concerned. Somebody who is in control of their emotions to that extent may not have the depth of feeling it takes to sustain a long term, deep and meaningful relationship. Best run now before they hurt you, perhaps unintentionally, but all the same, they won’t be falling in love with you in the same way you might fall for them.
- Insisting you pay for everything. Perhaps they have cash flow issues or they don’t have as much as you. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but if they never offer and expect early on, or if they ask for money, a small loan, a favour etc. then it might be a sign that they are scamming you or feel entitled to use you. Even if you know that they have less than you, they should make an effort and at least offer. Approach with caution!
