Whilst many people around you are excited at the prospect of Christmas it may be an experience that you would rather forget if you are recently separated or bereaved. Reminders in the shops, on the television, parties and the odd card addressed to the two of you may make forgetting difficult. So how do you cope with the pressure and emotional turmoil of the festive season?
Bear in the mind the following:
The first is the worst
The first year is always the worst especially on special occasions. In time the raw emotion will ease and you will acquire coping strategies for special times of the year.
Christmas is just a day
It’s easy to lose sight of the fact that Christmas is one day and often the build up and pressure is from commercial motives. There are also many people who do not celebrate it, take for example people of other faith groups. Keep it in perspective and do not let it dominate your life from the end of November onwards.
You are not alone
It can seem as though everyone is celebrating and excited about Christmas! This isn’t true. Scratch the surface and you will find that many people have individual reasons for dreading Christmas. Don’t feel that you are the odd one out or a bah humbug!
You will survive
There are many strategies for surviving Christmas and the season will give way to a brighter and happier new year as long as you have a positive outlook for the future. Concentrate on what lies ahead, not what could have been or dwell on the past.
Christmas Alone
If you face the prospect of Christmas alone there are many options for overcoming isolation:
Friends, family and neighbours
Let friends, family, work colleagues and neighbours know that you have no plans for Christmas. Let the invitations roll in, and if that fails invite people to yours – the more the merrier! You could also consider other people who might be alone this Christmas, for example elderly neighbours or other people you know who have recently come out of a long term relationship.
Book a “Singles Christmas”
There are companies and organisations that specialise in bringing single people together at Christmas. Search on the internet or try a Meet Up app for local activities.
Spoil Yourself
Shut yourself away from the world and put thoughts of Christmas out of your mind, it is after all just one day. Instead pamper yourself with a bottle of wine, chocolate, a long soak in the tub, your favourite videos or whatever helps you relax and feel good about yourself
Work
If your place of work is looking for people to do the Christmas shift, volunteer. You’ll be popular among your work colleagues and next year when your circumstances may have changed it will be someone else’s turn to do the Christmas shift.
Take a Holiday
Somewhere hot will be far from Christmassy and there are many countries where Christmas is not celebrated to the extent it is in Britain.
Volunteer
Make someone else’s Christmas. Many faith groups and charities such as the Salvation Army put on special lunches for the homeless and those who would otherwise be alone at Christmas. They are always in need of volunteers and it is a great way to get out and meet new people.
Dealing with Bereavement
If it is your first Christmas alone remember that the first will be the most painful and subsequent Christmas’s will get easier to deal with. Don’t give in to pressure from friends and family to get into the spirit of Christmas or feel the need to join them if you don’t want to. Take things slowly and at your own pace.
Be prepared for cards made out to the two of you from people who may not have heard your news. Consider how you will respond and if necessary ask a friend or relative to deal with any replies for you.
If you have children talk to them in advance about what they want to do and try and balance your needs with theirs. Remember that people express grief in different ways. They may be excited about Christmas when you are not or vice versa. this doesn’t mean that they are not feeling their loss, just that they are coping with it differently.
Set aside a special time during the day when you can remember your partner, for example by visiting the grave or lighting a candle. If you have children discuss an activity that you can do as a family such as setting aside time to reflect upon memories. This way you will acknowledge and remember your spouse whilst not letting it dominate the whole day.
Finally, don’t bottle your feelings up. Christmas can be a highly emotional time of year with poignant memories and constant reminders of happy couples. Talk to friends and family and contact a helpline if you feel the need.
