When you have children, special occasions often revolve around them. When those celebrations suddenly no longer involve them, they can become painful experiences, especially in the first year. To help you cope, consider the following tips:
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Double Up on Celebrations: If you have contact with your children or they usually live with you, consider celebrating twice. Enjoy time with friends or family, but set aside a special day when you can be with your children to exchange presents, have a special meal, or do whatever you would normally do together.
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Stay Connected on Their Birthday: On your child’s birthday, make arrangements to call or see them at some point during the day. Find out if they’re having a party and whether you can attend. Even if you can’t be there in person, maintaining contact can make a big difference.
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If Contact Is Limited: If you’ve lost contact with your children or are struggling to see them, consider placing an ad in the local newspaper wishing them a happy birthday and letting them know you’re thinking of them. If cards and presents can’t reach them, this gesture shows that you care and are missing them.
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Talk About Your Feelings: It’s important to share your feelings with someone who can offer support. Reach out to a helpline or connect with organizations for fathers or non-resident parents who can put you in touch with others in similar situations.
Coping with Christmas
Christmas is often considered a time for children, and the first one without them can be especially difficult, even if you’re surrounded by friends and family.
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Delay Your Christmas Celebration: If you have contact with your children or they usually live with you, consider postponing your Christmas celebration until you can be together. Set aside a special day to exchange presents, have Christmas dinner, and enjoy the traditions you normally would on December 25th.
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Choose Your Company Wisely: Consider whether you want to spend Christmas with friends and family who have children, as this may bring back memories of your own children and lead to difficult questions like “Where are my cousins?” Be prepared for these questions and try to avoid drinking too much, as alcohol can heighten emotions and contribute to feelings of depression. An adult-focused Christmas with friends might be the best option for the first year.
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If Contact Is Limited During Christmas: If you’ve lost contact with your children or are struggling to see them during the holidays, consider placing an ad in the local newspaper wishing them a happy Christmas and letting them know you’re thinking of them. Even if you can’t send cards or presents, this gesture shows your love and thoughtfulness.
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Seek Support: Talk to someone about your feelings, such as a helpline, and reach out to organisations for fathers or non-resident parents who may connect you with others going through similar experiences. Support from others who understand your situation can be invaluable during these challenging times.
