If your ex is abusive, your priority is the safety and well-being of your children. Here are some steps you can take:

Document Everything

• Keep a detailed record of all instances of abuse, including dates, times, witnesses, and any physical evidence.
• Save all communication: Text messages, emails, voicemails, and social media posts can be valuable evidence.
• Seek medical attention for any injuries and document the visits.

Seek Support

• Reach out to support services: There are organizations that specialize in domestic abuse and can provide guidance and support.
• Talk to friends and family: Having a strong support system can be invaluable during this difficult time.

Involve Professionals

• Consult with a lawyer: A family law attorney can advise you on your legal options and help protect your children’s rights.
• Involve child protection services: If you believe your children are at immediate risk, contact the appropriate authorities.

Consider Court Intervention

• Apply for a Child Arrangements Order: This legal order can specify the terms of contact between your ex and your children.
• Seek a Non-Molestation Order: This order can prohibit your ex from contacting or approaching you or your children.

Remember: The court’s primary concern is the safety and well-being of the children. Providing evidence of abuse is crucial in supporting your case.

Additional Considerations

• Child contact centre: This supervised environment can provide a safe space for contact between your ex and your children.   
• Therapy: Both you and your children may benefit from therapy to help cope with the trauma of abuse.

It’s essential to prioritise your children’s safety. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help and support.

CAFCASS, or the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service, is an independent organisation in England that works to represent the interests of children in family court cases. CAFCASS operates under the authority of the Ministry of Justice and plays a crucial role in ensuring that the voices and best interests of children are heard during legal proceedings involving family matters, such as divorce, custody disputes, and adoption.

Key Roles and Responsibilities of CAFCASS:

1. Safeguarding Children: CAFCASS officers assess the needs and circumstances of children involved in court cases. They identify any potential risks to the child’s welfare and make recommendations to the court on how best to protect the child.

2. Providing Advice to Courts: CAFCASS provides the court with detailed reports that offer insights into the child’s situation. These reports include recommendations regarding custody arrangements, visitation rights, and other aspects that impact the child’s well-being. The court uses these reports to make informed decisions.

3. Listening to Children: CAFCASS officers, known as Family Court Advisers, meet with children to understand their wishes and feelings. They ensure that the child’s voice is heard and considered in the court’s decisions.

4. Mediation and Conflict Resolution: In some cases, CAFCASS can assist in resolving disputes between parents or guardians through mediation, aiming to reach an agreement that prioritizes the child’s welfare without the need for a lengthy court battle.

5. Supporting Families: CAFCASS provides support to families undergoing difficult transitions, helping them navigate the complexities of the legal process while keeping the child’s best interests at the forefront.

When CAFCASS Gets Involved:
CAFCASS is typically involved in cases where there is a significant dispute over child arrangements or where the court believes that the child’s welfare might be at risk. This includes situations such as:
– Child custody and contact disputes
– Adoption cases
– Care proceedings initiated by local authorities
– Cases where there are concerns about the child’s safety, such as domestic violence or abuse

CAFCASS Officers:
CAFCASS officers are usually social workers or individuals with a strong background in child welfare. They undergo specialised training to handle the sensitive nature of family court cases and work to ensure that their assessments and recommendations are unbiased and focused on the child’s needs.

Yes, it is possible to request a change of your CAFCASS officer, but it can be challenging and is generally only granted in specific circumstances. If you believe that your current CAFCASS officer is biased, unprofessional, or not acting in the best interests of your child, you can take the following steps:

Steps to Request a Change:

1. Communicate Your Concerns:
Start by raising your concerns directly with the CAFCASS officer. Clearly explain why you believe their involvement is problematic, and provide specific examples of behaviour or actions that have led to your concerns.

2. Contact the CAFCASS Office:
If discussing the matter with the officer does not resolve the issue, you can escalate your concerns by contacting the CAFCASS office directly. You can submit a formal complaint explaining your concerns and requesting a different officer. Be sure to provide detailed reasons for your request, supported by any relevant evidence.

3. Formal Complaint Process:
CAFCASS has a formal complaints procedure that you can follow. You would need to submit your complaint in writing, and CAFCASS will investigate your concerns. The process involves a review by a senior manager, and if your complaint is upheld, they may assign a different officer to your case.

4. Court Involvement:
If CAFCASS does not agree to change the officer, you can bring your concerns to the family court. You would need to present your reasons to the judge, who has the authority to order a change if they believe it is in the best interests of the child or if the officer’s conduct is deemed inappropriate.

Considerations:

– Changing a CAFCASS officer is not done lightly, and you will need to demonstrate that the current officer’s involvement could negatively impact the case.
– The court and CAFCASS prioritise the continuity and stability of the process, so the reasons for the change must be substantial.

It’s recommended to seek legal advice before pursuing a change of your CAFCASS officer, as a solicitor can help you present your case effectively and guide you through the formal processes.

For more detailed guidance on making a complaint, you can refer to the official CAFCASS website, which provides information on their complaints procedure and how to escalate issues if necessary.

Dealing with unfounded allegations against you can be emotionally draining, particularly if you feel that you have to jump through hopes to refute them. 

In the family law court system, the onus is often on you to disprove the allegations, not on your partner to prove them.

• Collect evidence of your good character. Show how you treated your children during the marriage and draw attention to their statements to the Cafcass Officer if they still want to see you.
• Suggest that your ex is still upset following the divorce or has other motives e.g. a new partner, to stop you seeing the children. However, do not make unfounded allegations of your own as these may backfire and simply show you to be the ex with a grudge.
• Consider taking on voluntary work with children or young people which will involve a police check and show that the appropriate organisations have considered you fit to look after children.
• Resist attempts by the court or Cafcass Officer to suggest supervised contact until any reports have been prepared. 
• Consider applying for residency of your children on the grounds that you can offer the children unrestricted access to two parents. Make sure that you consider it seriously and see our section on residency.
  
• Get counselling to help you through the trauma of dealing with unfounded allegations. This will help you to keep a clear head and enable you to deal with your case more effectively.

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a complex issue that occurs when a child is manipulated into rejecting a parent without legitimate justification. This often happens in the context of a divorce or separation but can also occur in intact families. The alienating parent, through a variety of tactics, instills negative beliefs and attitudes about the targeted parent in the child.

Signs of Parental Alienation

While individual cases vary, common signs of PAS include:

• Unjustified hostility or fear towards the targeted parent.
• Weak or frivolous reasons for rejecting the targeted parent.
• Lack of ambivalence about the situation; the child often presents a one-sided, black-and-white view.
• Support of the alienating parent’s claims without question or critical thinking.
• Denial or minimization of positive experiences with the targeted parent.

The Impact of PAS

PAS can have devastating consequences for both the child and the targeted parent. Children who experience PAS may suffer from:

• Emotional distress
• Difficulty forming healthy relationships
• Low self-esteem
• Long-term psychological issues

The targeted parent often experiences:

• Intense emotional pain
• Feeling of powerlessness
• Financial strain
• Damage to their reputation

Seeking Help

If you suspect that your child is experiencing PAS, it’s crucial to seek professional help. A qualified mental health professional can assess the situation and provide guidance on how to address the issue.

It’s important to note that PAS is a complex issue with ongoing debate within the psychological community. While it’s a recognised phenomenon, its diagnosis and treatment can be controversial.

Yes, you can take steps to prevent your ex from leaving the country with your children if you have concerns. Here are the legal options available in the UK:

1. Prohibited Steps Order (PSO):
A Prohibited Steps Order (PSO) is a court order that prevents one parent from making specific decisions about the child without the consent of the other parent or the court. You can apply for a PSO to stop your ex from taking the children out of the country. This order is particularly useful if there is a risk of abduction or if you believe that your ex might take the children abroad without your permission.

2. Child Arrangements Order:
If you don’t already have one, you can apply for a Child Arrangements Order, which specifies where the child will live and who they will spend time with. This order can include specific provisions about taking the child abroad, ensuring that both parents need to agree before any travel happens.

3. Passport Seizure or Surrender:
In some cases, the court might order that the child’s passport be surrendered to the court or to one of the parents to prevent international travel. You can request this as part of your application for a PSO or Child Arrangements Order.

4. Port Alerts:
If there is an immediate risk that your ex might take the children out of the country, you can request a Port Alert. This involves notifying the police and border authorities, who will then be alerted to stop your ex from leaving the country with the children. This measure is often used in emergency situations and may require an urgent court order.

5. Legal Advice and Action:
It’s essential to seek legal advice as soon as possible if you are concerned about your ex leaving the country with your children. A family law solicitor can guide you through the process of applying for the necessary orders and taking immediate action if needed.

Consent for Travel:
Under UK law, a parent must obtain the consent of everyone with parental responsibility before taking a child out of the country, even for a holiday. If they leave the country without this consent, it could be considered child abduction.

If you’re worried about your ex leaving the country with your children without your consent, taking legal steps promptly is crucial to protecting your rights and the best interests of your children.

Inconsistent contact from your ex-partner can be incredibly stressful and upsetting. It can also have a negative impact on your child’s emotional well-being. Here are some steps you can take:

Maintain Open Communication

• Document everything: Keep a detailed record of all contact, including missed handovers, late pick-ups, and cancelled visits. This can be crucial if you need to involve legal professionals.
• Set boundaries: Clearly communicate your expectations regarding contact schedules and adhere to them consistently.
• Focus on the child: Keep conversations centred on your child’s needs and well-being, avoiding personal attacks or accusations.

Seek Support

• Talk to someone: Sharing your feelings with a friend, family member, or therapist can provide emotional support.
• Join a support group: Connecting with others who are experiencing similar challenges can offer valuable advice and companionship.

Prioritise Your Child’s Well-being

• Create a stable routine: Maintain consistent routines for your child, even when contact with the other parent is inconsistent.
• Encourage a positive relationship: Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your child.
• Seek professional help: If you’re concerned about your child’s emotional well-being, consider consulting a child psychologist.

Consider Legal Action

If the situation becomes untenable and is significantly impacting your child’s life, you may need to seek legal advice. A family law attorney can help you understand your options and potential next steps.

Remember, consistency is key for children. While it’s important to facilitate a relationship between both parents, it’s equally important to protect your child’s emotional stability.

• Remember that your children are individuals in their own right. They have a right to know both of their parents and this is independent of any feelings you may have towards to your ex
• Get over it! If you are totally over the relationship you will not harbour feelings of hatred or revenge and should have no problem communicating with them in a reasonable manner. If you cannot do this seek counselling because your negative feelings are likely to impact upon your children
• If you have residency do not view contact negatively. There may be activities that your ex can offer your children that you can’t, for example playing football or make-up tips. Focus on the benefits for your children and use contact time to take some much deserved time off

• Be clear about any contact arrangements and stick to them. Children need routine and to know where they are. If your ex is messing around with contact talk it through or suggest mediation as a way to resolve any differences
• Agree some ground rules, for example that you will not criticise the other in front of the children and how any new partners will be introduced
• Encourage your children to write and ring the absent parent between visits. Children often experience a sense of loss when one parent leaves and this will help to reassure them that the other parent is still around for them
• Ensure that you provide plenty of clothing, any medication and an emergency contact telephone number. They are still your primary responsibility and you will want to ensure that the other parent is able to meet their needs whilst in his or her care.

• Involve the other parent in decisions about their child. You should not have to make difficult decisions alone and this will reinforce to the other parent that they still have responsibility for their children
• Keep the other parent informed. Let them know what is happening at school and your child’s achievements. Tell them when a medical issue arises or when problems occur so that they can offer some support to your child
• Stress to your ex that you need some time for yourself. Every parent needs to recharge their batteries once in a while, and if you take time to care for yourself you will be in a better position to care for your children.

• Children often have a special bond with their grandparents and look forward to visiting and being spoilt. They may also be keen to maintain a relationship with cousins, aunts and uncles particularly if they visited regularly during the marriage
• Make sure that the children are not simply passed on to other relatives during contact with the non-resident parent. Instead try and make separate arrangements for grandparents and extended family
• Remember that grandparents can come in handy for babysitting and help out when you are sick. Try not to alienate them
• Set ground rules for contact from the start. Insist that they do not blame or criticise the other parent. Most grandparents will accept any ground rules to ensure they continue to see their grandchildren