Abuse isn’t always physical. In fact, it can show up in far quieter ways — including the silent treatment.
We often think of ghosting as something that happens at the end of a relationship. Someone disappears because they don’t have the courage to say it’s over. However, in some cases, ghosting happens within a relationship, leaving you confused, anxious and constantly waiting.
Over time, that pattern becomes something much more damaging.
When Silence Becomes Control
Being cut off without explanation doesn’t just hurt — it destabilises you.
Instead of resolving conflict, the other person withdraws completely. You’re left questioning what you did, what you said and how to fix something you don’t even understand.
Worse still, when this behaviour repeats, it creates a cycle. You reconnect, things feel good again, and then, when emotions rise, they disappear.
And that’s exactly what happened to me.
The Pattern Repeats
It started in February 2020.
Out of nowhere, I was cut off. No explanation, no conversation — just silence that lasted over a month. At that point, I believed the relationship was over.
Then he came back.
He told me he had done it “for my own good”, claiming it was meant to make me stronger while I was struggling with depression. At the time, I accepted that explanation.
However, weeks later, the truth changed. He admitted it had actually been triggered by a joke I made — something he believed had affected how his friends saw him.
Even then, instead of addressing it, he chose to disappear.
A few months later, in June, it happened again.
This time, I had asked for support around the anniversary of my dad’s death. When that support didn’t come, I became upset and expressed how I felt.
His response?
Silence.
Again.
That period lasted around three weeks.
And yet, despite everything, I took him back.
This time, the explanation was different. He said he didn’t deal well with “high emotion”.
Setting Boundaries — and What Happened Next
By that point, I knew something wasn’t right.
So, when we reconciled, I set one clear boundary: no more silent treatment. I explained how damaging it was and what I actually needed in difficult moments — reassurance, communication, even something as simple as presence.
For a while, things seemed stable.
However, fast forward to 2022, and the pattern hadn’t changed at all.
After we had briefly separated, I reached out about shared work commitments. He later claimed he hadn’t seen my emails, suggesting they had gone into spam.
We eventually got back together.
Shortly after, he went on holiday alone without discussing it. Then, he was offered an opportunity to work abroad in Mallorca. We agreed that I would join him there.
However, within 24 hours of arriving, I hadn’t heard from him at all.
I was alone in a hotel room, in a different country, with no contact.
Eventually, I posted something on social media. That prompted a call — not out of concern, but anger. He hung up, and once again, contact stopped.
There was no follow-up. No check-in. No attempt to understand where I was or whether I was okay.
Just silence.
The Reality of Repeated Ghosting
At some point, you have to stop seeing it as a misunderstanding.
Instead, it becomes a pattern.
And patterns tell you everything you need to know.
Ghosting within a relationship isn’t just avoidance. Over time, it becomes a way of controlling the dynamic — shutting down communication, withdrawing connection and leaving the other person emotionally destabilised.
What This Teaches You
- If someone handles conflict by disappearing, it will likely happen again
- Explanations may change, but behaviour rarely does without real accountability
- Silence can be just as damaging as words
- Boundaries only work if both people respect them
Final Thought
It’s easy to justify behaviour when you care about someone. You look for reasons, context, anything that makes it make sense.
However, consistent silence is not communication. And it’s not something you should have to accept in a relationship.
If someone repeatedly removes themselves instead of working through things, believe the pattern — not the explanation.
