When I first met him, I thought I’d simply met someone fun and charismatic — good-looking, successful and a little too flashy to take seriously. I assumed it would just be a fling.
On our first date, he talked openly about a stripper called Victoria and referred to her as his “girlfriend” to anyone who would listen. It should have been a red flag, yet I brushed it off. I wasn’t planning on falling for him or taking things seriously.
But somehow, I did.
After just one night together, everything intensified. He wanted to see me constantly and told me he loved me within two weeks. Soon, he was spending almost every night with me. The attention felt overwhelming and intoxicating. I now recognise this as love bombing.
Then, without warning, he disappeared for five days. Later, I realised he had been with another woman. Despite that, I still let him back in.
The Shift: Control, Criticism and Financial Dependence
When he came to Kent to meet my son, he said he had cash flow problems and needed £50 to travel. It seemed small at the time, but it marked the beginning of a pattern.
He told me stories about being cheated by a former business partner. He always positioned himself as someone just on the edge of success. It made it easy to feel sympathy for him.
A month in, the dynamic changed. He told me I wasn’t attractive enough and that he could never truly love me. Then he messaged as though nothing had happened. I felt confused and off balance.
I ended things, but only temporarily.
Seven weeks later, he returned and said he couldn’t stop thinking about me. Once again, I was drawn in. He promised a real relationship and introduced me to his mother. He then moved into my office, saying he would help me. In reality, I was supporting him.
He even proposed to me privately. We began planning a wedding that no one else was allowed to know about.
Meanwhile, the cracks were widening. Debt letters arrived and bailiffs called. There were unpaid fines and ongoing financial chaos. I tried to manage everything.
I lent him money to protect his parents and keep things afloat. Over time, that reached more than £10,000. He always promised to repay me, but he never did.
Gaslighting and Escalation
About a year in, he said he needed a break and blamed my mental health. By then, I was overwhelmed. I was juggling his debts, paperwork and emotional instability.
I even moved out of my own workspace to give him space.
That decision led to the truth. I found an open email on his desktop. It confirmed he had been cheating on me with Victoria.
When I confronted him, he denied everything. He told me I was paranoid. He said it was a joke and that I had imagined it. I began to question my own reality.
I wanted so badly to believe him that I accepted it.
I allowed him back, on the condition that he would contribute financially. Once again, he didn’t.
Six months later, I accessed his WhatsApp archive. This time, the full picture became clear. He had been seeing Victoria the entire time. He was paying her for a “girlfriend experience”.
He was also paying for sex regularly. The money came from his mother’s pension. All the while, I was supporting him.
When confronted, he admitted it. He promised to get help and said he loved me. He told me he would change.
But instead, things escalated.
The Breaking Point
The emotional abuse intensified. He began insulting me openly. He told me prostitutes were easier to deal with than I was. My confidence continued to erode.
His behaviour became more volatile. I began to fear it could turn physical.
With the help of friends, I got him out. He left shouting and took no responsibility for his actions.
The Smear Campaign
Almost immediately, he began to rewrite the narrative. He told people I was stalking him and that I was mentally unstable. He also claimed he had been threatened with violence.
At the same time, he continued to contact me. He turned up drunk and sent messages saying he wanted me back.
When I set boundaries and refused, he blocked me. Then he escalated the accusations. He told others I was slandering him. He even claimed I had created fake accounts to damage his business.
Within weeks, he had moved on. He presented a new relationship publicly, as though I had never existed.
Meanwhile, I was left dealing with the consequences. I was heartbroken, in debt and my reputation had been damaged in professional circles.
To the outside world, he remained successful, respected and admired. That made it even harder to process.
What Narcissistic Abuse Really Looks Like
This is my truth.
Narcissistic abuse is not always obvious. It develops slowly and subtly over time. It often begins with intense affection and attention. Then it shifts into control, criticism and confusion.
You are love-bombed, then devalued. You are blamed, gaslit, used and eventually discarded. Then you are pulled back in again.
Over time, you lose your sense of self. Your confidence fades. Your financial security can also be affected.
All the while, you try to prove your worth to someone who cannot love you in a healthy way.
Reclaiming My Voice
I am not sharing this for revenge or sympathy. I am sharing it because healing starts with truth.
It means recognising what happened and not minimising it. It means finding your voice again and setting boundaries.
I am still healing. I am still rebuilding. But I am also stronger than I was.
If you recognise any part of your experience in this, please know this. It is not your fault. You are not crazy. You are not weak.
You are someone who loved deeply and gave fully. That is never something to be ashamed of.
You can rebuild. You will move forward.
Want personalised support from me? Visit our therapy page to book a session.
