Contact refers to how and when a child spends time with the parent they do not live with. This can include face-to-face time, phone calls, video calls and other forms of communication.
Where possible, it is always better to agree arrangements between yourselves. This is usually less stressful for everyone involved, especially your child.
If you cannot agree, consider mediation before taking legal action:
https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/
Keep a clear record of communication, agreements and any issues. This can be helpful if matters escalate.
If court becomes necessary, decisions will always be based on what is in the child’s best interests.
How do I set up contact arrangements?
Focus on what works best for your child rather than what feels fair between parents.
Consider their age, routine and any additional needs. Younger children often benefit from shorter, more frequent contact, while older children may prefer longer visits.
If overnight stays are involved, make sure the environment is safe and suitable. Your child should feel comfortable and have their own space where possible.
Keep arrangements consistent, but allow flexibility for illness, holidays and special occasions. Agree in advance how birthdays, Christmas and school holidays will be handled to avoid conflict later.
How can I maintain a positive co-parenting relationship?
Keep communication calm and focused on your child, even if your relationship with your ex is strained.
Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your child. This can cause emotional harm and confusion.
Stick to agreed schedules where possible. If changes are needed, communicate clearly and give as much notice as you can.
Being reliable builds trust and helps your child feel secure.
What should I do if contact breaks down?
Start with mediation if possible. A neutral third party can help you reach an agreement without going to court.
Find support and advice here:
https://fnf.org.uk/
Keep a record of missed contact, cancellations and communication. This can be important if legal action becomes necessary.
Court should be a last resort. It can be lengthy, expensive and emotionally draining.
What happens if mediation fails?
If mediation does not resolve the issue, you may need to apply to court for a Child Arrangements Order. This sets out where your child lives and how contact will take place.
The court will always prioritise your child’s welfare and may consider evidence from both parents, as well as input from professionals.
How do I protect my child from an abusive ex-partner?
Your child’s safety comes first.
Keep a detailed record of any incidents, including dates, times and evidence such as messages or photos. Save all communication where possible.
Get support here:
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
If your child is at immediate risk, call 999. For non-emergencies, call 101.
You may need legal protection such as a Non-Molestation Order or a Child Arrangements Order that limits or supervises contact.
What is a child contact centre?
A child contact centre provides a safe, neutral space for children to spend time with a parent when direct contact is difficult or needs to be supervised.
Find your nearest centre here:
https://naccc.org.uk/
These centres are usually a temporary arrangement while longer-term solutions are put in place.
What role does CAFCASS play?
Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) represents the interests of children in family court cases in England.
They assess the child’s situation, identify risks and provide recommendations to the court. They also speak with children to understand their wishes and feelings.
More information:
https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/
Can I change my CAFCASS officer?
It is possible, but not easy. You would need to raise concerns directly with Cafcass and follow their complaints process.
If necessary, you can raise the issue in court, but strong evidence is usually required.
What is parental alienation?
Parental alienation is where a child becomes resistant or hostile towards one parent without a clear reason, often due to influence from the other parent.
This is a complex issue. If you are concerned, seek advice from a qualified professional.
Can I stop my ex from taking my child abroad?
Yes. You can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent travel without your consent.
In urgent cases, you may be able to request a port alert through the police.
Under UK law, permission is usually required from everyone with parental responsibility before a child is taken abroad.
Guidance:
https://www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad
What can I do if my ex is inconsistent with contact?
Keep a record of missed visits and changes.
Try to maintain open communication and set clear expectations. Focus on your child rather than the conflict.
Create stability at home so your child feels secure.
If it begins to affect your child emotionally, consider professional support.
How do I manage my own feelings towards my ex?
It is natural to feel anger, hurt or resentment, but your child’s relationship with their other parent is separate from your own experience.
Try to keep interactions respectful and focused on your child. If you are struggling, counselling can help.
How can I make contact work as the resident parent?
Be clear and consistent with arrangements.
Encourage communication between your child and the other parent between visits.
Provide what your child needs for contact, such as clothing, medication and contact details.
Agree ground rules where possible, including how new partners are introduced.
How do I encourage the other parent to take responsibility?
Keep them informed about your child’s life, including school, health and achievements.
Involve them in decisions where appropriate.
Be clear about your need for support and time to recharge.
How do I manage contact with grandparents and extended family?
Children often benefit from maintaining relationships with extended family.
Support these relationships where it is safe to do so, while keeping boundaries in place.
Agree expectations early, including respect for both parents.
Where can I get additional support?
You can access support and advice here:
https://fnf.org.uk/
Domestic abuse support:
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
If there are safeguarding concerns, contact your local authority or the police.
