If one parent is saying unkind or negative things about the other, it can feel confusing and upsetting. You might feel stuck in the middle or unsure what to say.
It is okay to speak up about how this makes you feel. Your feelings matter, and you deserve to feel safe and comfortable at home.
Why This Is Hard
When a parent talks negatively about the other, it can:
- Make you feel caught in the middle
- Make you feel like you have to choose sides
- Hurt your relationship with one or both parents
- Feel unfair or confusing
None of this is your fault.
How to Start the Conversation
Try to talk when things are calm, not during an argument.
You can keep it simple and honest:
‘I feel upset when I hear negative things about Mum/Dad.’
‘I love you both and it is hard for me to hear that.’
Using ‘I feel’ helps you explain your emotions without blaming.
What You Can Say
Here are some gentle ways to explain your feelings:
‘I do not like being in the middle.’
‘It makes me feel uncomfortable when I hear those things.’
‘I want to have my own relationship with both of you.’
‘Can we not talk about the other parent like that in front of me?’
You are not being rude. You are setting a healthy boundary.
If It Feels Too Hard to Say
Talking face to face can feel scary. You could:
- Write a letter
- Send a message
- Ask another trusted adult to help you talk
What matters is that your voice is heard.
If It Does Not Change Straight Away
Sometimes adults do not realise how their words affect you. They might need reminding.
If things do not change:
- Keep speaking to someone you trust, like a teacher or family member
- Give yourself space when it happens
- Remember this is not your responsibility to fix
Looking After Yourself
When this happens, try to:
- Spend time doing things you enjoy
- Talk to friends or someone you trust
- Take a break from the situation if you can
A Really Important Reminder
You are allowed to love both of your parents.
You do not have to take sides.
You are not responsible for their relationship.
You Deserve to Feel Safe
Your home should feel like a safe place. Speaking up about how you feel is a brave and important step.
